I’ve been to a lot of places and I’ve done a lot of things but if I can give you one bit of advice if you ever get the opportunity to go to a place called Ayrshire...dont. It’s a crazy place full of crazy people and it best avoided if at all possible.

I wouldn’t even drive through it. Just go the long way round. It’ll add an hour to your journey but it’s worth it. Don’t believe me that’s totally fine but here is 5 reasons to avoid Ayrshire at all costs.

Beaches

Beaches

There are just too many beaches in Ayrshire. It's a bit of a joke to be honest. Off the top of my head there is North Beach, South Beach, Stevenson Beach, Troon Beach, Prestwick Beach, Ayr Beach, Irvine Beach, Largs Beach and I could go on but I won't. Then theres' Arran which is an island with  one big Beach going all the way round it! 

And if that's not enough some of these place around these beaches sell stuff. Can you believe it stuff like Fish and Chips, ginger (juice to the tourists) sweeties, coffee, tea, cakes, pasta, pizza, ice cream, scones, rolls and slice, rolls and bacon, toys, scrambled egg, pin wheels, crafts and worst of all beer. The nerve of some places.

History

History

If there is one thing that boils my blood more than places with too many beaches it’s old stuff. Things like castles and monuments and churches that. There is tons of them in Ayrshire. Ones on hills. Ones in parks. Ones in the middle of the town. Ones with play parks next to them. There is even one on a hill overlooking a beach. It's ridiculous. If that's not enough these Ayrshire folks take old stuff and move it into buildings and then people go look at them? What's that about? They put boats in them, pictures, books, clothes, trains, art, statues and all that stuff. They say it’s interesting and you can learn a lot but genuinely these are perfectly good buildings filled to the brim with old stuff? Hoarding that's called.

Stuff for Kids to Do

Stuff for Kids to Do

Children just are content with sitting in playing their X Box all day.  The last thing they want to do is go outside and actually move about. There is far too much for children to do in Ayrshire. That can see Dragons. See Animals. Go to Farm Parks. Go the Pictures. Swim inside. Swim outside. Go Skating. Go Horse Riding. See big painted castles. Go to the skateparks. Go Horse Riding. Go Gorge walking. Go to laser quest. Go bowling. Go to one of all they beaches they've got. They’ve even got a place you can go look at the sky when it’s dark. What can you see though. It’s dark! Honestly whatever happened to the good old days when you could just sit about and play FIFA without having to make hard decisions about doing stuff.

Whisky

Whisky

This is probably the most mental of all. These Ayrshire folks make whiskey. They get grain. Mash it up. Stick it in a pot. Boil it and then they stick this concoction into a wooden barrel and then they don't drink it! They spend all that time making this stuff and then you're not allowed to drink it for 15 years or something like that. 15 years! You're allowed to look at it though. You can go out to one of these distilleries and they’ll show the whole process but you can’t drink it when they’re done. Mental! There’s one on Arran, that mad beachy place I was telling you about and a few other places. 

Golf

Golf

Basically it’s a game they play where you hit a wee ball with a bendy pool cue. Then you go a big walk to try and find it. If you’re lucky the wee ball goes in a wee hole once you’ve hit and if you’re unlucky then you need to hit it again and repeat the process till said ball goes in the wee hole. Ayrshire folks are nuts for it! 5 of their Golf Courses are in the top 100 UK Golf Courses and they invented something called The Open? They play it in Largs, Troon, Stevenson, Prestwick, Ayr, Irvine, West Kilbride, Dundonald, That beachy place and loads of other places. Worst thing is it’s all perfectly good land they could put football pitches on if they didn’t stick sandtraps all over them.

And then there’s other things like a hill that things go up instead of down. Some guy called Burns that Ayrshire folk never talk about. He wrote a poem about a mouse and a sheep and flowers and stuff like that. There's Gigs, Festivals, Award Winning Pies, Music,Comedy, Art Galleries, Boat Trips, wrestling and hundreds of other things that honestly you’ll hate. 

No need for a thanks. I’m just glad to help. Anything I can do to save you from wasting a weekend in Ayrshire is time well spent in my opinion.

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